Failing

I’m failing. Badly.

Failing.

As a spouse I’m crap. My lady deserves someone attentive, courteous and kind. I am a shadow of these.

As a step dad, I have expectations the Lord Jesus couldn’t possibly live up to. I give orders without direction. I ask without giving. I expect the kids to live up to things I barely could.

I have two jobs.

One I excell at and could never let the employer down. 

One I struggle with daily. I vomit every single day before attend this job. 

Every. Single. Day.

As a family member I’m trash.

I have an aunt I cherish, a cousin who I would aspire to emulate.

Do I call?

Do I make an effort?

No.

No I do not.

I’m a selfish hunk of unloveable trash. I know, I tell myself every day.

Failing.

Who knows? By admitting it, maybe I’m starting to succeed.

Maybe.