The best and worst thing about having a birthday so close to New Year’s is it’s such an opportune time for reflection. For many of my 45 years I have taken time to evaluate where I am in my life. Some years the glimpse back was exciting and most satisfying. Others the look forward was bleak to say the least.
Nevertheless, I still consider this snap shot of life worthwhile. A business that doesn’t do a honest and thorough inventory at least once a year just doesn’t stay profitable.
As I began this year’s look back, I started with an email I received a few days ago. It was an extremely passive-aggressive message from an estranged family member. Suffice to say it was filled with “you” statements and condemnation.
Instead of getting (characteristically) irate regarding this message, I took pause to consider the observations of how “bitter and angry” I am perceived. I discussed it with my lady, we came up with a plan of action.
It was all very mature.
Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’m still pissed. I am pretty much through with this person for good. But, I will acknowledge their perception (to my self, not them) and try to learn from it.
2014 is starting so much differently than the last few years. It turns out I am an extremely blessed man.
I am just over a year into the most loving relationship I could imagine. My lady and her kids (and the Mutt) allow me to feel love and happiness I thought no longer possible. I awake every morning in disbelief of how fortunate I am. I am so very grateful.
I sleep indoors and eat on a regular basis. These are two small but crucial things. When those two basics are gone life becomes an instant hell. I’ve lived it.
I’m employed. Again, a basic thing, but I’m someone who needs to feel useful. My mental health suffers significantly if I’m not working.
I have friends. From the guys I work with, to my lady’s parents and brothers, to my Mom’s cousin and family, to the few people who share my last name who still acknowledge me, to some very fine people I mostly ‘Facebook’, and last but not least, the world’s finest brother I am incredibly blessed. These people have all provided great joy and peace to me. For some of them, it’s been a difficult task being close to me. I have not been the easiest to care about. But, I am grateful to have these many fine people in my life. I strive to be the best person I can be to honour these people. I try to let them all know just how fortunate I am to have them all in my life.
So, back to this “bitter and angry” bit. Has my life worked out exactly as I would have had it? Am I exactly where I would have pictured myself at 45? Nope. Who is? Whose life has worked out exactly as they had envisioned it?
It’s been a rocky ride, so far. I’ve had a lot of really nice stuff, had an exceptional quality of life. I’ve lost everything and slept on the street. I’ve lived the life of a drunk and I’m sober today. Not just dry, but sober.
I am in an incredible place. My lady is closing a chapter by selling her former “marital home” and buying a new, smaller one. It’s an emotional time for sure, going through a decade’s worth of memories and moving on. My job is to be supportive, loving and lift box ‘a’ to spot ‘b’. Our life is going to be even more amazing.
I am grateful for the person’s “bitter and angry” swipe. I know I can be cranky and damn near miserable at times. Being given the other perception just tells me I must work harder at demonstrating the gratitude I feel more consistently.
I’m happy to try..
Oh, if you’re reading this, you’re quite likely one who I’m grateful for. Thanks to you all.
bradcurtis68 