Boundaries have always been an issue for me. Not encroaching on other people’s, but allowing others to cross mine.
Saying “no” has always been difficult for me. Whether it be to an employer, parent, friend, family member or spouse, I’ve just never been able to say “no” and let it stick. Even if I manage to get the word out, I often feel guilty and change to “yes, I’ll be glad to”.
There are times when “no” is not an option despite ones feeling regarding the task. That’s understandable. We all do lots of things we don’t want to. That’s part of living in a society.
But, there are times when “no” should be a definate option. When safety is an issue, when it’s a matter of conscience or ethics, when one’s “personal space” is being affected.
For me, it’s the “personal space”. I rarely say “no” to an employer. Whether it’s stay late, go in early, go in on my day off or all of the above, I just don’t say “no”. The issue becomes one of resentment. I agree to do something I really don’t want to and try to justify it in my mind, but become almost instantly resentful. Not just of the person whom I’ve agreed to assist, but of myself for not being stronger.
Invariably I come to terms with the distasteful task at hand, realizing there is little option, except for me to accomplish it. But I become terribly resentful, disgusted and furious with myself. I spent years running and working for a delivery service owned by a former spouse. I hated every second of it. I worked all day at a garage I ran and drove until midnight.
On call 7 days a week.
Angry every second of it.
I’m trying to live my life with as few resentments as possible. Trying to be angry and irritable as little as possible. I have some issues in life I must deal with, employer issues, work condition issues. I have to be able to start saying “no” when required.
I have to accept my mental condition reflects on my family life. Resentment impacts my addiction issues. Anger and irritability make me unpleasant to be around.
Self care begins with a certain amount of selfishness. Just enough to know when too much is being asked of me. To know my limits and my limitations.
To understand “No” can be a sentence on it’s own.